Wilderness solo

I quested three years ago, my solo, three days and three nights alone in the wilderness. I did this to know myself, to proclaim to the Earth who I was and why I was here. At the same time I didn’t know who I was or why I was here…..

I was 30 weeks pregnant at that time, with my fourth baby, a baby I hadn’t planned, felt so blessed to have, and I was slowly coming to terms with the reality of mothering four young children.

The process of doing your wilderness solo begins with you accepting the quest. All that comes up for you is part of the journey. You are accepting the terms of the quest, bare essentials of survival, no food, a basic shelter, nothing to distract you from what is in your immediate environment, no phone, no reading material, no communication with the outside world, and for me no tea was a major concern!

When I agreed to doing the solo I was not pregnant and not planning to be, so in falling pregnant part of my process was deciding to do it pregnant, as a Mamatoto. I took simple foods, I was journeying with my baby, it became a  focus of my solo. Such an amazing opportunity as a Mother of three to have 3 days and 3 nights to be alone with my baby within and myself.

In base camp before we went out on our solos, we each told our life story to the group. It is a time of being heard, uninterrupted, a stream of consciousness story, snippets of your life, all that arises, hearing your story in all the other stories, echoing in your mind throughout the solo, things to examine and let go, whatever comes out is perfect and not what one might expect.

We went out, it was raining, I set up my camp, it continued to rain, torrential rain, I gave great thanks for the space to rest, sleep, dream, feeling protected by the rain and my beautiful place in nature. I stared out of my tent for hours, noticing everything, wrote in my journal and watched the rain.

It rained for the whole three days.

On the third night you stay awake and cry for a vision.

Sitting in nature for such a long time you begin to see the messages in everything, a tree became my teacher, a frog jumped on my hand, I had become part of nature, frog medicine is transformation through water, that was clearly what was happening for me.

My visions came quickly and so clearly.

I saw the birth of my 4th baby, at home in water, all was well, a dream come true.

I heard my name, not the name I had been given at birth, but my soul name, it was sung to me and it held all that I feel I am and all I dreamed I could be.

Talulah

We returned to base camp the next day and told the stories of our solo, every one of us returned with a vision.

I am now at base camp at my third wilderness solo, supporting eight amazing women on their solo.

It is day two, we have heard their life stories and hold them close.

Eagles circle above, we hear their drums in the distance, transformation in motion.

My solo continues to inform me in my life everyday.

My 4th baby was born at home exactly as I’d seen it, even though the journey to that place had many moments where it seemed it wouldn’t be. And my name. It has been three years since it came to me and it is who I truly am. In telling the story of how I got my name I tell the story of my solo, which reveals so much about me and what I believe.

Blessed be

At base camp we stay with the Mamatoto’s who have young breastfeeding babies. They too share their stories with the group and do a solo of their own. We do processes so that they can access the Earth wisdom in an efficient Mamatoto way.

This is what one of the women said…

I didnt know that telling my story, something so simple, could heal so much

When I look back at it, it doesnt hold the same power over me. Its the sharing of it, and hearing other peoples stories, that I’m not alone in what I have experienced

Just the act of uttering it can be so healing

I didn’t realise how powerful the telling of my story was until I again reviewed my past and it didn’t have that power over me anymore